DAAAAm

I just realized that how much of a Bad Japanese I have become. I don't even conform to the group standards anymore, and I am becoming more of a NEET than anything. I don't feel like I am a NEET, but I kind of fall in to that category. I am not communicating with my people, it's a damm shame, but all of this happened because I thought I had to abandon an aspect of my culture to attain something, but that thing is almost meaningless and I just regret the fact that I got so lazy and shit, it's like I been going in circles and it's just one meaningless shit after another.

Am I improving, not really, I don't think so. I kind of can allow my self to be outside of the Box, and it's like all of this like going out with the girls that I go out with, and the entertainment that I immerse my self with, the thoughts that I allow my self to have is making me feel more confident as to who I am but it's not really taking me any where. I know I kind of didn't have that stable grounds, maybe I have some personality disorder, and it seams like some aspects of that is cured. All I got to do is move forward, but in this ecnomy, it's kind of getting hard. I am throwing my hands up in the air, and just in a giving up kind of stance.

I got to tell my self, that, right now, where I am is not good enough, I can't rely on magic alone. hahahaha.